Chapter 8August 25, 1971

sorts of things and people and....

That’s right.

And it seems stupid to me, you know, devoid of any meaning, and tiring moreover. What is it? I

haven’t the faintest idea.

Perhaps it’s that. Perhaps that same world.

But what’s one doing there!

(silence)

For our physical consciousness it’s stupid, of course.82

Yes, it looks stupid.

That’s just what I had last night. And it was quite natural and... without reaction.83

I think it’s the mind that gives meaning to things; without the mind, things ARE, without their being given a meaning – they are because they are. So then for us, for the consciousness as it has evolved here, it is perfectly idiotic. While there it seems perfectly natural.

That must be what makes people become “unhinged.” If they don’t have inside what we could call the “divine support,” a kind of unshakable faith in the Truth and divine Grace, if they don’t have that....

(Mother remains absorbed until the end)

It’s a phase we have to go through. We have to... go through it.

(Mother sits looking at Satprem for what seems a very long time. Her left eye is still swollen.)

Something to ask?

82But for someone on the other side, how would a man turning on a faucet and brushing his teeth look?

No, there’s nothing.

(Mother remains absorbed for 40 minutes)

What would you like to say?

What is absorbing you like this?84

(after a silence)

All the time, all the time, there is the “thought” of the Divine, but like a... a kind of – thirst to be and to understand. All mental notions seem artificial to me.... At times there is terrible anguish; at times there is perfect peace.

(long silence)

It’s strange, at times I have the impression that death makes much less of a change than we think, and at other times it’s totally incomprehensible.... Strange, it’s like the two extremes: sometimes, it barely makes a difference; the next time it’s a... something... what does death really mean?

I would rather not speak because.... It’s not something mentalized at all, so it doesn’t have any....

(silence)

I told you about those activities at night (I have no impression of sleeping, and yet the body is perfectly at rest), in which there are people who are living and people who are “dead” in ordinary language – and they are absolutely alike. Except that the living seem still to have egoistic reactions, which the others don’t have. But it’s... (fluid gesture).... What to us is real doesn’t exist anymore. And it’s very concrete.

I am in a state where I know nothing, that’s all. And so my one and only refuge is to sort of curl up in the Divine, you know.... As if....

To be You, that’s all. Do what You want with me, that’s all.... Not even like that (with words or thought), not even that.

(silence)

It’s the transition from the old way of being, which is becoming more and more distant, to... the Divine does everything. For instance, even food has become pretty difficult, because the old way of eating seems more and more remote, and it is replaced by something... inexpressible. It’s inexpressible.

It’s as if you were standing on a ridge (gesture) and the least misstep would pitch you into a hole.

(silence)

Everything seems different, all the... everything seems so different. The nature of the relations with people is changing, the nature of everything is changing, but what? What?

84Approximately at that time, a former disciple, Rani Maitra, wife of the former chancellor of Benares University, was