Chapter 47October 2, 1960

away long ago – or rather, Sri Aurobindo sent it away. But there remains the habit ... of not doing what I like. Rather, of doing what MUST be done, and whether it’s pleasant or not makes no difference.

This, too, Sri Aurobindo had explained to me. I used to tell him, ‘Yes, you always speak of life’s “delight,” life for the sake of its delight.’ But as soon as I had the notion, as soon as I was put in the presence of the Supreme, it was: ‘For You – exclusively what You want. You are the sole, the unique and exclusive reason for being.’ And that has remained, and this movement is so strong that even when ... you see, now I have ecstasy and ananda in abundance – everything comes, everything. But even then, even when that is there, something in me always turns towards the Supreme and says, ‘Does this TRULY serve You? Is it what You expect of me, what You want from me?’

This has protected me from all seeking for pleasure in life. It was a wonderful protection, because pleasure always seemed so futile to me – yes, futile; for the sake of your personal satisfaction. Later, I even understood how foolish it is, for you can never be satisfied – though when you’re small you don’t yet know that. I never liked it: ‘But is it really useful, does it serve some purpose?’ And I still have this attitude in regard to my nights. I have this widening of the consciousness, this impersonalization, this wonderful joy of being above ... all that. But at the same time I also have, ‘I’m here in this body, on earth, to do something – I mustn’t forget it. And this is what I have to do.’ But probably I’m wrong! ...

I’m waiting for the Lord to tell me clearly. But when I say that, I always see Him smiling – a smile ... it’s all very good to smile, but ... it encourages you more than it cures you!

(Letter to Mother from Satprem)

Pondicherry, October 2, 1960

Sunday evening Sweet Mother,

As I did not find the translation of the Message fully satisfying, I have continued pondering over it. Then another possibility, which MAY be better, presented itself. Here it is:

Ce monde merveilleux de félicité, à nos portes, qui attend notre appel