Chapter 46October 2, 1960

Imagine! I thought I had lost my hearing. But I just realized that when I don’t hear ... it’s because I’m elsewhere.

Just now, I concentrated a little and tuned into your voice. And not one word escaped me! It became clear, absolutely clear.

Normally I’m not there. And some people I hear, others I don’t hear. But I hadn’t imagined that it depended on this – I thought I had lost my hearing. But just now I stopped everything, absolutely everything, I concentrated and tuned in – it became so clear!

Basically, it must be the same for my eyes. Sometimes I see wonderfully, and sometimes it’s blurred. It must be for the same reason ... I probably have to learn to concentrate!

Yes, laugh if you want – what I mean is concentrate on what I’m doing. Not concentrate within ... Precisely, I’m rather too concentrated!

10.2.60

This wonderful world of

delight waiting at our

gates for our call

to come down upon

earth.215

* * * This world of Delight above us is waiting – not for us to be ready but for us to accept, for us to condescend to receive it!

This is what I am looking at in this photograph.216 In fact, this is what I am pulling down.

* * * My nights contain so many things that I don’t always do the necessary work to remember – that takes up a lot of time. Sometimes I get up during the night and sit there recalling precisely everything that has already happened, but that sometimes takes half an hour! – and as urgent work still calls, I don’t take the time to remember and it gets erased. But then, you know, with all that’s coming you could write volumes!

From a documentary standpoint, my nights are getting quite interesting. In the Yoga of Self- Perfection, Sri Aurobindo describes precisely this state you reach in which all things assume meaning and a quality of inner significance, clarification of various points, and help. From this point of view, my nights have become extraordinary. I see infinitely more things than I saw before. Before, it was very limited to a personal contact with people. Now ... In my nights, each thing and each person has the appearance, the gesture, the word or the action that describes EXACTLY his condition. It’s becoming quite interesting.

Of course, I much prefer being in my great currents of force – from a personal standpoint, such immensity of action is much more interesting. But these documentary things are also valuable. It is so tremendously different from the dreams and even the vi. signs you have when you enter certain representative realms of the mind (which is what I used to do). It is so different, it has another content, another life altogether: it carries its light, its understanding, its explanation within itself – you look, and everything is explained.

It always gives me the feeling that I am shrinking a little, but it’s interesting. And it’s useful, for and do with each one. It’s useful. But all the same, I miss the fullness and joy of the more impersonal Movement of forces.

Before going to bed, sometimes I say to myself, ‘I will do what is necessary to spend my night in these great currents of force’ (because there is a way to do it). And then I think, ‘Oh, what an egotist you are, my girl!’ So sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t – when there’s something important to do, it doesn’t happen. But all I have to do is concentrate in a certain way before going to sleep to spend my whole night in these ... very far from here, very far ... I can’t say very far from the earth, for surely it’s in an intermediate zone between the forces from above and the earth’s atmosphere. That’s what it mainly is, in any case. It’s a great universal current as well, but mainly it’s what descends and comes onto the earth, and it is permeating the earth’s atmosphere all the time, all the time, and it comes with this wide, overall vision – it makes for wonderful nights ... I no longer bother about people at all – at least not as such, but in a more impersonal way.

(silence)

stupidity. Sri Aurobindo had told me that it was a ‘censor,’ that I had with me a ‘considerable’ one!