Chapter 7November 26, 1966

I said, "Why? What does it all mean?" I didn’t contradict, didn’t argue, just this "What’s the use?" (Mother gestures as if to sweep away a speck of dust)

You know, what the consciousness of this body is made to live is a sort of intensive discipline, at a gallop – every minute counts.

But it copes well, I can’t deny it.81 We’ll see how it stands the shock (that’s quite the point!).

So this other Gentleman [Death] would say, "See! See there, the kind of pity people have for you!" But I answer, "I don’t need pity.... (laughing) That’s not what I want: I want the victory."

It’s interesting.

Oh, if you knew what a crowd there is!... And at the last minute, people come and tell me, "I’ve just arrived, I want to see you." Very well, I say, "All right." We’ll extend the day! (Mother laughs)

Ah, good-bye, my children, stay very quietly at home. Very quietly. It’s enough if there is one who "toils"! I’d really like it to be that way, I regret it’s necessary for some to be ill, 82 why?... Oh, I know why, but... It’s a pity.

It’s the Grace learning its lesson. It learns that It isn’t yet as It should be.... You understand, there are always two ways of looking at things; we can say, "The world isn’t ready" and look at it with a smile (it’s a... what can we call it?... We could call it a selfish way), and the other way, which is to say, "I am not capable yet. If I were really capable, all this [illnesses, catastrophes, etc.] wouldn’t be necessary, everything would be done in a harmonious rhythm."

We could very well say, "The Divine is learning his lesson." (Laughing) He has everything to learn! When He knows it well, the world will be as it should be, that’s all.

Why not? We could just as well say that: the one is as true as the other.

(Mother looks very tired. This morning she did not eat anything nor did she receive anyone. When

Satprem comes in, she gives him flowers and soup packets received from Israel:)

But you are the one who doesn’t eat!

81It must be recalled that the next day is Darshan and therefore Mother is overburdened with visitors and letters.

But the body still needs to be nourished, doesn’t it?

I don’t know.... Because attacks multiply tremendously, and today, for instance, I found only one solution, which was to stay lying down: while it was going on, not to eat anything, not to say anything, not to move. Then it’s all right. As soon as I stop moving, eating, acting, it’s all right.

It’s been a long time since these attacks last came. I told you several times that I was able to resist the attack, but this time, this morning, it was formidable. Formidable. It was exactly like this Gentleman [Death] trying to uproot everything. So I resisted and resisted, then suddenly... it could no longer walk, I had to lie down and stay still. And also not eat – I didn’t feel like eating. I can eat only when everything is fine.

As soon as there is stillness and contemplation, it’s fine.

(silence)

No, there is an insistence (the same insistence as this Gentleman’s, at any rate) on the impossibility of the thing, and it gives such obvious proof.... Naturally, the inside doesn’t budge, it smiles – it doesn’t budge – but the body... that gives it terrible tension. Because it’s very conscious of its infirmity (it can’t boast of being transformed), very conscious that it’s millions of miles away from transformation. So... so it doesn’t take much to convince it. What’s more difficult is to give it the certitude that things will be different. It doesn’t even understand very well how they can be different. Then there come all other beliefs, all other so-called revelations, the heavens and so on. The whole of Christianity and Islam have very easily solved the problem: "Oh, no, things here will never be fine, but over there they can be perfect." That goes without saying. Then there is the whole of Nirvanism and Buddhism: "The world is an error that must disappear." So it all comes in waves, and the body feels very... you understand, it would like to have a certitude of its possibility. That doesn’t often happen to it. But the attack was too strong; it was from everything and everywhere at the same time, so strong: "This Matter CANNOT be transformed." So it fought and fought and fought, and suddenly it was obliged to lie down. But as soon as it lies down and abandons itself completely, there is Peace, and such a strong Peace – so strong, so powerful. Then it’s fine.

It came with hosts of suggestions (they aren’t suggestions: they are formations), adverse formations of disorganization; like, for instance the one C. [one of Mother’s attendants, who has just fallen ill] received. I was warned two days beforehand and tried my best: I couldn’t – I couldn’t, he gave way. So now it’s dragging on and on (the doctor himself says there’s no reason for it to last so long), it’s dragging on because he gave way. So all that must be slowly won back. And it comes to everyone, to every circumstance – not to me, never to me because it has no effect on me: if the suggestion comes, I say, "So what! I don’t care." So it doesn’t try, it’s useless. But it comes to everyone, to disorganize everything and everyone, one after another. This morning, it was everybody at the same time, a complete disorganization of everything. I resisted and resisted and resisted, then suddenly something... (Mother makes a gesture). So the body said, "All right."

If I stay still, it’s over. I skipped a meal. The doctor is unhappy, but (laughing) it makes ME happy! Meals are work (a lot of work).

It’s the first time this year it has happened to me. Previously, it used to happen fairly often, but it’s the first time this year. It shows that, all the same, things are improving.... Oh, but it was terrible, people can’t imagine what it is! It takes hold of everyone and everybody, every circumstance and meanness of life. And it insists on that a great deal. These last few days it insisted on it a great deal. I said to myself, "See, all that is written and said is always in a realm of beauty and harmony and greatness, and, anyway, the problem is put with dignity; but as soon as it becomes quite practical and material, it’s so petty, so mean, so narrow, so ugly!..." That’s the proof. When you get out of it, it’s all right, you can face all problems, but when you come down here, it’s so ugly, so petty, so miserable.... We are such slaves to our needs, oh!... For one hour, two hours, you hold on, and after... And it’s true, physical life is ugly – not everywhere, but anyway... I always think of plants and flowers: that’s really lovely, it’s free from that; but human life is so sordid, with such crude and imperious needs – it’s so sordid.... It’s only when you begin to live in a slightly superior vision that you become free from that; in all the Scriptures, very few people accept the sordidness of life. And of course, that’s what this Gentleman insists on. I said, "Very well." This body’s answer is very simple: "We certainly aren’t anxious that life should continue as it is." It doesn’t find it very pretty. But we conceive of a life – a life as objective as our material life – which wouldn’t have all these sordid needs, which would be more harmonious and spontaneous. That’s what we want. But he says it’s impossible – we have been "told" it’s not only possible but certain. So there’s the battle.

Then comes the great argument: "Yes, yes, one day it will be, but when?... For the time being you are still swamped in all this and you plainly see it can’t change. It will go on and on. In millennia, yes, it will be." That’s the ultimate argument. He no longer denies the possibility, he says, "All right, because you have caught hold of something, you’re hoping to realize it now, but that’s childishness."

So the body itself says, "But of course, I certainly accept that, I perfectly understand! That’s not what I want; I don’t want this thing or that: I simply want what the Lord wants, nothing else – what He has decided will be. When He says it’s over, it will be over; if He says it is to go on, it will go on." But then, as this Gentleman can’t have his way like this, it comes from every side: this or that individual, this or that thing, that circumstance, all of it, all of it is going to be disorganized. Then I start working [to thwart the attack].

Today it was really very clever – very clever. He is very clever. He is a big joker.

There. So I haven’t done my work, haven’t done a thing. But I decided I would see you – not to work but to see you.

(silence)

To protect others, it’s very effective, because I start working and struggling. The only argument for this body is: "You plainly see it goes on deteriorating, so what are you hoping for?... It will go on deteriorating until it stops."

But if one looks at it without prejudice, quite objectively, it’s only an appearance of deterioration: it’s not true. On the contrary, on certain points it’s much more solid than it used to be.

The most important point is what we could call the "unreality of deterioration," in other words, everything that isn’t harmonious or is disorganized increasingly gives the sense of an illusion – it’s increasingly an illusion – and the sense that a certain inner movement of consciousness would be enough for that not to be.

There, the problem comes up again. Because there are various detailed experiences (in tiny details),