Chapter 1October 5, 1966

About the financial situation, I have a little story to tell you, which took place on Sunday or Monday. I told you that the situation was quite... to ordinary consciousnesses, it was critical. And there was a payment to be made. I don’t remember the material details, but something had to be paid very urgently (I think it was to the workers: they were hungry and hadn’t been given their money). And I needed a certain amount – which I didn’t have: I had nothing. Then a sort of compassion came into me for those people who didn’t have any money. I saw it wasn’t right, and I couldn’t do anything because there was none. So, in the evening while I was walking (I have an hour of meditation and quiet, of concentration), I presented it all like this (gesture upward), and with an almost childlike attitude I said to the Lord (He was there, of course, I was with Him) something that can be translated (I don’t know, I don’t speak but it could be translated into words) roughly like this: "I know You are with me and behind everything I do and everywhere, but I’d like to know whether what I do, the work I do, interests You or not! (Mother laughs) And if it does interest You, well, I must have this money."

It came like that, in a quite childlike form, but very, very pure. And two days later, when it was necessary for the money to come, for me to have money, just as everything seemed quite impossible, Amrita suddenly came in, telling me, "Here, so-and-so has sent a cheque for such-and-such an amount." – Exactly the amount needed. And I think it was the first time that person had sent money. It was quite unexpected, absolutely a miracle – a miracle for children. The required amount, just at the required time, and absolutely unexpected. Then I had a good laugh. And I said to myself, "How silly we can be! We don’t know that everything happens exactly as it has to."

I can’t say that I worry (I never do), but I was wondering... sometimes I wonder, "Is it going to go on, or..." I am not quite sure of what’s going to happen, because... I never try to know nor do I desire to know, but I don’t feel I am "told." (I think this is another mental stupidity and when nothing is formulated, it means things are all right and as they should be.) But, of course, there is a childishness that would like to be "told," "Do this this way and that that way, and this..." But it doesn’t work! It’s not like that!

I don’t receive any command: when I have something to say, I receive the exact word or sentence, in an absolute way; but for action, I don’t receive any command, because... I don’t think I have any hesitation, I never wonder, "Should I do this or should I do that?" Never. My whole effort is to live from minute to minute. I mean, to do every minute exactly what should be done, without making plans, without thinking, without... because it all becomes mental; as soon as you start thinking something out, that’s no longer it. But quite instinctively and spontaneously, I do what needs to be done: this, that, this.... When something needs a response, it comes. As for money, it’s the same thing; the only thing I am led to do is to say, "So-and-so has asked for so much, such-and-such Service needs so much," like that (not a long time in advance, but when it becomes imperative). And that’s all. It’s like that. So I don’t know what will happen tomorrow; I don’t at all seek to know what’s going to happen. But on that day, I seemed to be asking, "Well, give me proof that You are interested." – Poff! it came just at the right time. So I laughed, I said to myself, "What a baby I must still be!"

And for two days, just when I needed to give some money, it came. So I said, "All right, that’s fine." But now it’s no longer so amusing! It was really amusing.

There is now a kind of trust there, behind: well, it will come when it has to, that’s all.