Chapter 1May 5, 1965

You look pale.

I am not feeling very well.

(silence)

I feel as if I am not here, and this has been going on since...

My body is far away from me.

Last time, in the afternoon of the day you came, the 30th, I was rather in a poor condition [Mother had "heart" troubles]. And since then I have felt as if... I am rather far away from my body.... I am in a very, very diluted consciousness (widespread gesture), very diluted.

(Mother goes into meditation)

I have a feeling that only one thing exists: making contact – putting the divine Vibration in contact with Matter. And this is the only thing which is REAL. Things seem to have clarified these past few days, since the 30th; and this morning when I got up, it was so strong that it was really the only thing existing. To such a point that there was a spontaneous perception that whatever thought clothes this thing in, or whatever the organization of life, it's totally unimportant – it's only men who attach importance to that, but from the standpoint of the Work, only this matters: being in this state I am in (which is a very particular state), in which the vibration, the vibration of Matter is put in contact, united – united – with the divine Vibration.

All the rest... unreal.19

(long silence)

I feel as if the circulation isn't working, I don't know how to explain it.

(Mother goes into concentration)

It's like this (vast, expansive gesture), im-mo-bile.... But with a great intensity of vibration – the vibration that doesn't move.20

Do you have any news from your mother? I am asking you because yesterday I was in contact with her and with your brother....

19The rest of the conversation is interspersed with long, vanishing meditations, like great stretches of Alaska in the snow.