Chapter 2November 6, 1965

them, and whom I don't have time to answer. When I hear the letter (there are some letters I haven't even opened, I don't know what they have written), but when I hear, I answer inwardly; if they had the mental perception they would receive my answer; unfortunately they don't have it. Some letters are important, from people who ask for something reasonable, and a word or a gesture would greatly help them to move on – it's not possible. And it keeps increasing and increasing. Previously, I used to rest ("rest," that is to say, "concentrate") regularly, at a fixed time, but now that's finished, I can't do it anymore. It cuts into the rest, too, and that's bad.

It's the world in a rush. It's not just from a small number of individuals, it's from everywhere: from the United Nations, the Government of India, from people here, there and everywhere who ask for a directive, an indication. They ought to be able to receive mentally; that way I could do all the work, because it doesn't take any time, it's immediate, but they aren't there yet, they can't. You know, requests for "messages," for something to start an action – there are dozens of them every day. And it's a good sign, I can't complain. It's a good sign, it means the world is growing receptive. But...

Are you better?

Not really.

Oh!... (Laughing) What's to be done!?

At night, the last two or three nights, but especially last night (in the middle of the night, after midnight), and for at least two hours, I am carried away in a movement, but a frightfully swift movement! I am lying on something which is a sort of silvery light – a silvery light. And I am lying on it, enveloped in it, and carried away in such a dizzying movement that... you feel as if your head is going to break.

And there are people with me – you are one of them.

Really?

Yes!

Last night it lasted two hours. And you feel like holding on to something, because it's so dizzying.... I don't know, last night, in the middle of the experience I became a little conscious, and it was... (gesture expressing a fantastic movement). But the Command came: "Quiet, quiet, don't move, quiet," so I didn't move. And it lasted almost two hours. And the movement is head first (not feet first), head first, it's the head that's pulled.

All I know is that it has to do with the transformation of the body. But how does one know that it's wanted to start observing, and immediately the Command came, "Quiet, quiet, don't move, quiet, nothing must move."

It must be at the time of the night when you really sleep. It's after midnight and before two in the morning.

But there is nothing to remember: one seems to be whisked along, like that – maybe it's the speed of comets! I told myself it was a drastic treatment, as they say in English.

But the other night (it had come two or three times already), it wasn't so strong. Last night, it was so strong and it lasted such a long time... I thought, "Maybe tomorrow morning he'll have a smile...." But it didn't work! (Mother laughs)

What I see is rather unpleasant.

At night? What do you see?

I have seen all sorts of things.

No, these last few days?

Attacked. It comes up from the waters.

Of the vital. From the sea?

No, black waters.

Oh, the dark human vital.

Very aggressive snakes. And mentally, too, I receive very violent things.

What do you mean?

I am assailed. If I listened to what comes, it would mean insanity. If I let go... You understand, it comes again and again and charges down. It's very unpleasant. And a suffering deep down – a suffering.

Give me an example of the suggestions you receive.

Generally it's about you or about the Ashram.

About me?

Yes, generally. Or about what I do, what I am (or am not).

Don't you know where it comes from?

No. But some time ago, a phenomenon occurred, which might be related to that. I saw Patrick, you Oh!

He was trying to drive some sort of splinter into my head, and I felt it was extremely dangerous. Then I said OM, and everything vanished – l was lucky to remember! But anyway, there are things attacking me very strongly.

But you should use that every time.

Well, yes, if one can! One isn't always lucky enough to remember.

(Mother laughs) You are teachable, no? And what are you told about me? Just to know the quality.

They are details, rather....

I mean, they accuse me, or tell you I don't take care of you or...?

Not that. It's rather about my relationship with you, or the impossibility of certain contacts, or... I find peace only when I go above; I say, "Well, yes, let us look at THE Mother," up above.

Yes, that's right.

Then everything falls quiet.

It's to make you realize the infirmity of the outside world! (Laughing) But you know me, don't you!

Anyway, it's not pleasant.... Or else, it falls upon me all of a sudden and it's really like a suffering – without words or explanation – a suffering deep down, a flame of suffering.

(Long silence) It will pass.

* * *

(Then Mother takes up the translation of "Savitri" and stops abruptly, as if she were following

something with her eyes:)

...As big as this, a sun, a sun scintillating with Sri Aurobindo's light, when I write, between me and the notebook, and it moves about with the pen! It's this big (a big orange), it's Sri Aurobindo's light, blue, that special blue, silver blue, scintillating, and it moves about every time I write in this notebook! (Laughing) That's why I have difficulty seeing: it moves about with the pen!

* * * 102A disciple who was a friend of Satprem's; he had died insane seven or eight years earlier and Satprem had assisted him