Chapter 2November 7, 1964

doesn't have: a suppleness and power in the movement. And it was radiant, a little radiant, as though it emanated a little light; but not something that gives you the feeling of the supernatural: not like apparitions in paintings, not that – it was material, it was...

It's the first time. I was sitting like this, as I was just now, the same thing, nothing particular. And it filled me with something inexpressible, a sense of fullness, of joy – of triumph, you know.

It was so brief that I didn't intend to talk about it, because words... You're always afraid of adding to the experience. But this presence was so concrete just now, during the meditation, and time passed so extraordinarily quickly, like a flash. And I had the same feeling, oh, such a fullness!...

He said (it was translated into words: I heard them, in what language I don't know, but I understood very well), I heard the words and he said to me: "Through you, I am charging...." I am charging, as if he were launching into a battle against the world's Falsehood. "Through you, I am charging...," that's perfectly clear, and it was against... I saw little aggregates of black dots being scattered.

But at that moment, I felt something like the representation of certain states of mind, certain intellectual conditions, a whole series of things that represented doubts, negations, ignorant attitudes, revolts... and all at once, this came.

And I still see the form I saw: like that, as if he were launching into battle – but only what you can see in a flash.

Mother looks very pale.

For the past three days there has been a constant phenomenon: something... I don't know what it is... as if the whole head were being emptied (Mother shows the blood going downward). Physically, that's what you feel before fainting, as if all the blood were leaving the head: the head empties, and then you faint.

The first time it came was the day before yesterday; I was resting (after lunch I rest for half an hour), and at the end of my rest, suddenly I see myself – I see myself standing near my bed, very tall, with a magnificent dress, and with someone dressed in white beside me. And I saw this just when I seemed about to faint: I was at once the person standing and the person on the bed who was watching, and at the same time I felt that thing flowing downward, flowing downward from the head – the head empties completely. And the person standing smiled, while the person in the bed wondered, "What! I am fainting – but I am in my bed!" There. And as it was time for me to "wake up" (that is, to return to the outer consciousness), I came back.

And I was left with this problem: who was standing there?... Very tall, with a splendid dress, and then a person (who was a human person, but much shorter), a white person beside me, all white. And down in my bed said, "What! It's odd, I am fainting; how is it that I am fainting? – I am in my bed!"

I got up and didn't feel anything physically, it didn't correspond to anything. I haven't had any explanation. I don't have any clue. What does it mean? I don't know.

Obviously, it's something! But since then it has been like that, and particularly last night when it was terribly cold [monsoon + windstorm], I was completely still in my bed, with an almost constant feeling of that "something" flowing downward – of the head emptying.

It continued this morning, a very bizarre impression. Yet, physically, I feel fine, I took my food, I...

But you look very pale.

Very pale?

Yes, it struck me. You're very pale, as if you didn't have much blood.

But in the beginning when you arrived and I sat down, it came very strongly – very strongly, as if everything... vrrt! were going away.

So I'm pale, am I?

Yes, you were more so ten minutes ago.

Because I have concentrated.

It's always the same thing, you know: I strongly feel that the explanation, or even the physical phenomenon, is the translation of something going on elsewhere. But I don't know what it is.... It is a new process.

But once, you had a similar experience with all the symptoms of fainting: when the center of your physical consciousness left you.

Yes, but that's not...

(long silence)

I feel it as something linked to the circulatory system, but...

(Mother goes into a meditation,

looking for the real cause)

I don't understand.

And those things keep recurring until you have understood...

So that's troublesome.

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