Chapter 8May 2, 1964

The words are poor; the experience was strong.

I am with you always, in love and joy.

Signed: Mother

(From Satprem to Sujata)

Paris I have obtained from the embassy my return visa and I am quite relieved, because I was terribly anxious that this visa might be refused – it's silly, but I waited for this visa with a horrible fear.

(From Satprem to Sujata)

St-Pierre I am in silence, gazing at the sea. In fact, I am not in Brittany, not in St-Pierre, not in France, I am in Air-India's waiting room, waiting for July 18.... I am neither happy nor unhappy – I am nothing, I am as if anesthetized, counting hours and days in my waiting room. During my japa-meditation, perhaps I exist a little more: instead of a nothing, it's a super-nothing – you see, Nirvana is at the door if you don't hold my string firmly in your hands.