Chapter 4February 22, 1964

1914.)

The photo was taken in 19... (Mother tries to remember).

1903, according to J.

No. That was the first time I went to Tlemcen... it must have been in 1905 – at least 1905, if not 1906.23

I never remember dates, I only remember circumstances.

I know it was the first time I went to Tlemcen. And I remember having said that I began my "conscious yoga" when I was twenty-five (twenty-five, that's in 190824 ), what I call my "conscious yoga," that is, certain practices. It was in 1908. And Théon was three years earlier. Only, I had known Théon one year before going to Tlemcen, so it was perhaps 1904, and the photo was perhaps taken in 1905. But you know, I am not much good with dates! Anyway, it was between 1903 and 1908.

But I hadn't changed: my appearance was exactly the same when I came here. So for your book, we'll say 1914, according to the appearance; in other words, that's how I looked when I met Sri Aurobindo for the first time in 1914. Voilà.

(The day after Mother's eighty-sixth birthday. Mother first reads the translation of the message she

gave on the 21st:)

It was translated in an interesting way.... I read it, then I concentrated (A. was sitting here, not moving or saying anything), so first I said a word or two to him to "establish the atmosphere." Then I remained quiet, and it simply came – it isn't exactly a translation:

Sa volonté solitaire affronta la loi du monde. Pour arrêter la roue fatale, cette Splendeur se leva...

Her single will opposed the cosmic rule. To stay the wheels of Doom this greatness rose.

23Mother went to Tlemcen twice, in 1906 and 1907.

* * * I had a strange night last night.

The whole day yesterday, I had an impression – not a vague impression: a very precise sensation – of the Pressure of something that was trying to manifest. But it was so material that it was almost like a physical pressure. And then a kind of Force that not only resisted, but revolted, trying to make a muddle of everything – to create unpleasant circumstances, trouble people, all sorts of perfectly unpleasant little nothings. I was watching all that.

And in the evening the resistance and revolt took a concrete form, as it were. Then, in response, there was in all the cells of the body a call, a desperate call for the Truth, as if all the cells were crying out, "Ah, no! We've had enough of this Falsehood, enough, enough, enough! – the Truth, the Truth, the Truth...." It put my body in a very deep trance. And it had the impression of a very, very intense struggle.

I was looking, and everywhere there were... as if the world were made of huge engines with enormous pistons that were falling – you know, like in engine rooms: they were rising and falling, rising and falling.... It was like that everywhere. And it was pounding Matter – it was frightful. To such a degree that the body felt pounded.

It was a compression – a mechanical compression – and at the same time (both things at the same time), such an intensity of aspiration! There is in these cells an extraordinary intensity: "The Truth, the Truth, the Truth..."25 Then, in the middle of all this, I went into a state of very deep trance, a sort of samadhi, from which I emerged five hours later – it lasted from 10 at night to 3 in the morning – five hours later, beatific, and conscious that I had been conscious all the time, but of something inexpressible. And what a light! A light, a light... a fantastic light.

But this morning, the body is a bit... (what's the word?) giddy.

Dizzy?

Not exactly dizzy... the sensation of a sort of lack of consistency. Yes, like when one is giddy – a giddiness, rather. Because it was such a pounding!

Mother, some fifteen days ago, I dreamed that very thing. There was a sort of enormous "drill" boring into Matter; then you came, and you were very interested, as if you participated actively in it. An enormous black drill, like the ones they use to drill wells, boring into a sort of Matter with a color like yellow clay. It struck me very much. About ten or fifteen days ago.... A tremendous power.

Yes, yesterday I had the feeling that I was brought into contact with something that's going on ALL THE TIME.

Then that's it.

Like this, a pounding: you know, those machines that rise and fall and rise and fall.... And there were