Chapter 1June 2, 1961
Book 6. June
(Regarding an earlier ‘Questions and Answers’ – March 13, 1957 – where Mother says: ‘And finally, isn’t the Divine the best friend one could have? The Divine to whom one can tell all, reveal all, because here is the source of all mercy, of all power to efface error when it no longer recurs....’Surprised, Satprem blurts out.)
But there’s no more problem when the error no longer recurs! Isn’t it when the error recurs that it needs to be effaced?
When one does not repeat one’s past mistakes, the divine power, the power of the divine Grace, abolishes their consequences – their karma – in the being. But as long as mistakes are repeated nothing can be abolished, because one re-creates them at every minute. When a person has made a serious error, say, a serious mistake (it can be serious or not, but we are concerned primarily with the serious ones), such mistakes have their consequences in life, a karma which has to be exhausted. The divine Grace, if you call upon it, has the power to abolish that karma, to cut short the consequences – but the Grace can only do this when you, within yourself, don’t begin all over again, when the mistake committed is not renewed. The past can be completely purified and abolished, on condition that one does not keep making it into a perpetual present.
I have said it there in one sentence, but I didn’t want people to believe that they can continue making the same stupid blunder indefinitely and have the Grace indefinitely annul all the consequences.159 It isn’t like that! The past can be cleansed to the point where it has no effect of any kind on the future, but only on condition that you stop the wrong vibration in yourself, that you don’t reproduce the same vibration indefinitely.
I know why I gave no explanations as I was speaking: because of the intensity of the experience. There is something like it in Prayers and Meditations. I remember an experience I had in Japan which is noted there.... (Mother looks through ‘Prayers and Meditations’ and reads a passage dated ‘Thou art
the
sure
friend
who
never
fails, the Power,
the
Support,
the
Guide.
Thou
art the Light
which
scatters
darkness, the Conqueror who assures the victory....’ It was a series of experiences resulting from external circumstances. And then I speak of the tears shed, not for oneself but for others. (Mother reads a passage dated July 12, 1918.)
‘But a few
days
ago
know,
hear: If you
weep
before
Me without
restraint,
without
pretence, 159In one of the handwritten notes left by Mother, we found the following: ‘Sri Aurobindo told me: Never give them the impression that they can do whatever they like, they will always be protected.’
160With the exception of the second asterisked passage, which was not included in his English version of selected Prayers And that
is
why,
when
the
tears welled up
from
my
heart
to
my
eyes, came
to
sit
before
Thee and let
them
flow
reverently
in
offering. And how
sweet
and
how
comforting was this offering!161 ‘And now,
although
weep
no
longer, feel
so
near,
so
near
to
Thee that my whole being quivers with joy. ‘Let me
stammer
out
my
offering’: have cried
too
with
the
joy
of
a
child, ‘O Supreme
and
only
Confidant,
Thou
who knowest beforehand
all
we
can
say
to
Thee because
Thou
art
its
source! ‘O Supreme
and
only
Friend,
Thou
who
acceptest, Thou who
lovest,
Thou
who
understandest
us just as
we
are,
because
it
is
Thyself who hast
so
made
us. ‘O Supreme
and
only
Guide, Thou who
never
gainsayest
our
highest
will because it is
Thou
Thyself
who
willest
in
it! ‘It would be
folly
to
seek
elsewhere
than
in
Thee for one who
will
listen,
understand,
love
and
guide, since always
Thou
art
there ready to our
call
and
never
wilt
Thou
fail
us! ‘Thou hast
made
me
know
the
supreme, the sublime
joy
of
a
perfect
confidence, an absolute
serenity,
a
surrender
total
and without reserve
or
coloring,
free
from effort and constraint. ‘Joyous like
a
child
have
smiled
and
wept at once before Thee, O my Well-Beloved!’ It was under very tragic circumstances.
I was reliving this experience [during the Talks of March 13, 1957] – that is why I didn’t want to comment on it.
Tragic circumstances?
... After that experience the decision was taken to come back to India – only then could I manage to return. There were all sorts of projects and things... we were even on the point of going to China and, oh!... But after that it was decided to come back to India.
* * * D. asked me if changing the time of her japa had much importance. I told her she can change the time if she has to, provided she remains sincere – that’s the most important thing.
These are small details. I myself am unable to do it at fixed hours; I had always hoped to do it between 5 and 6 in the afternoon, but I usually can’t manage to go upstairs before ten to six! So... so I do it from 6 to 7.
Fundamentally, I have noticed one thing: if you yourself are in the right state, the right atmosphere is immediately created. And in addition, I am always in a sort of... not even a conviction – an ABSOLUTE perception that all that happens is the Lord’s doing. When He makes me late going upstairs it’s because He wants me to be late, and consequently, if I take it well – if instead of closing myself and getting annoyed I say, ‘Good, that’s fine’ – immediately a very interesting atmosphere is created, because at the same time I see all the advantages of this change. But this movement must not be mental – it has to be spontaneous.
Therefore, I have told her (to put it simply): provided you are sincere in your attitude, all is well.
* * * Later:
Here is something interesting. I am translating the ‘Yoga of Self-Perfection.’ My first look at it stiffened me – now it’s a delight! And I have done nothing in between but simply let it work within; it’s so easy!
My translation is poorly written, hardly French at all, but to me it is limpid. And I see that the translation would go quickly if one moved into another domain. In one domain it is laborious, terrible, difficult, and the result is never very satisfying. But contrary to what I had thought, the domain of comprehension does not suffice, even the domain of experience does not suffice: something else is needed (oh, how to explain it?), a state in which effort is left totally behind. There is a state (which probably must be beyond the mind, because one no longer thinks at all, not at all) where everything is smiling and easy, and the sentences come to you all by themselves. It’s peculiar – I read, and even before I finish reading the sentence to be translated I know what’s in it; and then without waiting – almost without waiting to know what’s in it – I know what to put for it. When it’s like that I can translate a page in half an hour.
But it doesn’t last – it ought to last. Usually it ends in a trance: I go off into the experience, I am in a beatific state... and ten minutes later I notice that I’ve been in that state with my pen poised in my hand. It’s not favorable to the work! But otherwise it’s – I can’t even say it’s like someone dictating (it’s not that, I don’t ‘hear’); it comes by itself. Oh, the other day there were one or two sentences!... I wrote something and suddenly saw what I was writing – and doing so pulled me out of that state. ‘Well,’ I said to myself, ‘how nicely put!’ And plop! (Mother laughs) Everything was gone.
Be in that domain, and you will never grow tired.
But to get there, believe me, you must accept to be a total imbecile for quite some time! I am not exaggerating. I have found myself in such states: you no longer understand anything, no longer know anything, no longer think anything, no longer want anything, no longer can do anything – no more power, no more will, no more thought, no more anything – you are... like that. And when I am like that (when I WAS, because now it’s beginning to go away), I see the external world, people like those
(silence)
It was an odd thing, it seized me suddenly – I was no longer able to climb the stairs! I didn’t know how to do it! It also took hold of me once as I was having lunch – I no longer knew how to eat! This, of course, is what the external world calls ‘lapsing into second childhood.’ So I considered the problem of the poor old people who are thought to be lapsing into their second childhoods – might they not, by chance, be on the frontier... of liberation?! Perhaps.
My brain is good!! (Mother laughs)
It’s good, but my skull.... You know, there are people who read your character from the shape of your skull – it would be interesting to have one of them touch mine. Mon petit, it’s a mountain range! With peaks and valleys! There are deep hollows, precipices, Himalayan peaks! And it’s increasing!
Increasing!
Oh, yes, it’s increasing from year to year! The hollows become hollower, the bumps become bumpier! And they are everywhere! It’s quite interesting!
For years and years, until I was past forty, my skull was soft here (Mother touches the front part of her skull), something which seems to be absolutely unheard-of. It was soft and becoming more so (gesture of the skull opening) and then, when you pressed there.... I didn’t bother about it, but then suddenly I noticed that here (Mother touches the back part of her skull) it is truly like mountainous scenery – there are bumps everywhere, and hollows, vales – very interesting! It’s increasing.
It means it must be getting more and more complicated in there!
I once fell down and dented my head (for a long time it was even painful); and since then the dent has become deeper and deeper and the bump has become larger and larger. I told the doctor about it (he had been called in at the time because it was bleeding profusely and people were upset – it healed in a day) and he told me there had been an accumulation of blood causing the bone to increase in size. But this is a doctor’s reason.
It is quite interesting.
(silence)
What is necessary is to abandon EVERYTHING. Everything: all power, all comprehension, all intelligence, all knowledge, everything. To become perfectly nonexistent, that’s the important thing. But the very atmosphere makes things difficult – what people expect of you, what they want of you, what they think of you – it’s very bothersome. You have to spend all your time fanning it away.