Chapter 18March 10, 1973

Do you have something?

Almost nothing, just two small pieces.

Go ahead, read them.

(Satprem reads)

Is that all?...

Yes [laughter].... Obviously, you don’t feel like talking anymore.

No. I can’t talk, it doesn’t come out clearly.

But that’s not true! It does! It comes out very well.

If you have a question, we can try.

I don’t know, whenever I try to come into contact with that Consciousness, I always sense a sort of

luminous immensity, as you say....

Yes.

But I feel it’s stationary, you see; I am in it and could stay in it forever, but....

Exactly. That’s my own sensation too.

But is it enough to let That permeate one? Isn’t there anything else to be done?

Yes, I think so. I think it’s the only thing to do. Personally I keep repeating, “What You will, what You will, what You will.... Let it be as You will, may I do as You will, may I be conscious of what You will.”

And also: “Without You, it’s death; with You, it’s life.” By “death,” I don’t mean physical death – it might happen, it might be that if I lost the contact now, it would be the end – but that’s impossible! I feel that... I AM THAT – With some resistances the present consciousness may still have, that’s all.121

And when I see somebody... (Mother opens her hands as if she were offering that person to the Light), regardless of who it is: like this (same gesture).

121This “if I lost the contact” and “that’s impossible” leads us back again to the same perplexing question. And we recall Mother’s words: “Only some violence could stop the transformation, otherwise it will go on and on and on....” (December 4,