Chapter 2October 11, 1972

in total surrender)

Yes, like that.

The sensation is one of being as... as transparent and impersonal as possible so the Divine can pass through and act. And here (pointing to the forehead), it’s completely silent... just this (gesture, hands open and immobile). That’s all. My whole life is that way.

The more the body is able to do this (same gesture), the better its conditions of life. Truly. I mean...” solicitude” isn’t the word, we would need a special word.... In English, I could say: The care the Divine takes of my body... (you understand?) is... beyond all description. And above all beyond all the body’s physical shortcomings.

There you are. But all words belittle – they belittle ridiculously.

I’d like to stop talking.

(meditation)

(After inquiring about Satprem’s health.)

And in general is it better?

Yes. I don’t know, how do you see it yourself?

(Mother laughs) I mean, is it better on the whole?... Can’t you hear?

Yes, yes, of course I can hear! You mean the whole of...

Of you?

Oh, me.... I don’t know, I’m a speck of dust... that is trying to be a little useful, that’s all.

(Mother nods her head)

But I don’t know what “me” is. Whenever I see that “me,” it seems quite ridiculous and dark.

Everything good in me isn’t “me” at all.

That I understand!

So I really don’t know.

That’s very good.

Yes, but the person I “inhabit,” if I may say so, seems so dark, so small, so... oh, so uninteresting!

Listen, it’s the Divine who made us the way we are....

Yes, Mother.

...Our unconsciousness is what prevents us from knowing it, otherwise we would always be in a kind of luminous peace, and simply: what You want, Lord, what You want... (Mother opens her hands in a gesture of total surrender). Like that.

For me – I mean, for this sort of... for this (Mother pinches the skin of her arms), which has lived so many years but doesn’t know anything anymore, and can’t do anything anymore, there’s only... (same gesture of surrender, hands offered to the Lord).

Whatever conscious will is left is used to remain attentive – attentive, absolutely still and peaceful (gesture of listening to the above). To try not to obstruct or distort what the Lord... (Mother corrects herself) what the Divine wants. That’s all. And not a personal Divine: the Divine Consciousness at work in the world.

We know nothing, we know absolutely nothing, we are totally stupid really, but if we can be like this (gesture, hands open): receptive – receptive in a silence... a silence that worships... Light, Light... a perfect Knowledge and unerring Will....

(Mother opens her hands

long silence)

You have nothing to say?

No, Mother.

Or ask?

One always has a feeling of... yes, of always being full of all sorts of problems. There’s a hiatus, an increasingly painful chasm between a life you know is tranquil and vast, and a person who is.... You feel the disparity between the two is getting more and more poignant.

Yes, that’s exactly what I am living through.

But then I’ve learned that there’s only one way:

(Mother opens her hands)