Chapter 5October 15, 1969

(Heavy rain poured down on that day.)

We’ve brought too many Europeans here, it changes the climate!

Do you have anything to tell me?... Me, I have nothing, except quarrels, stupidities, conflicts... all sorts of stupid things...183

(there follows a long affair which will remain unsaid)

I must say that anyone other than you would find it crushing to have to deal with all this

confusion.

(Mother laughs) I find it hard to realize, that is, to understand or explain (it enters my consciousness with difficulty) that people, when they are in front of me, could dare say something untrue.... In the past, it seemed impossible to me, but from experience I’ve learned (!) that they do it. How they do it, I don’t know...

And that’s not the only thing, there are many others.

But they do it ingenuously. If they had a will to deceive me, I would know it instantly, but they do it ingenuously – they deceive themselves.

They see things like this (Mother makes a twisting gesture), never straight.... But when one isn’t constantly led – exclusively led – by the higher Consciousness, one does it almost automatically: a slight “this way” (same gesture of twisting), without knowing it, without premeditation.

That [the twist], I saw it in the past. It became impossible only when nothing came either from here (gesture to the head) or from here (the throat), or here (the heart), or here (the solar plexus), or... It comes like this (gesture from above), then it’s impossible – but only then.

(silence)

It’s clearly a time of transition.

183Last night, Mother vomited every twenty minutes. Yet she worked as usual this morning. It feels as if the enemy is