Chapter 168June 17, 1959

Satprem, my dear child,

You are both my dear children,

Signed: Mother

(Letter to Mother from Satprem)

Rameswaram, June 17, 1959 Sweet Mother, concerns the immediate realities.

The only thing that affirms itself with a certitude and a greater and greater force is my soul. I cling to It with all my strength. It is my only refuge. If I did not have that, I would throw my life overboard, for the outer circumstances and the immediate future seem to me impossible, unlivable.

These last days I have come to realize that to blame all my ‘crises’ on the hostile forces is perhaps to oversimplify things. I understand better and better, for in my suffering, my soul is all I have and I rely on that alone; otherwise I could never bear all that I have borne, all that I still bear. I understand, too, that there was also a truth in the force which periodically impelled me to leave, the truth of that destiny in me which is not fulfilled in the Ashram.

Mother, I have suffered so much and prayed so much this last while that I am sure my soul cannot but arrange circumstances in such a way that somehow I may live at last – that somehow EVERYTHING may truly become reconciled: not later on or ‘one of these days,’ but soon – for it cannot go on any longer; I am at my end.

Mother, I have prayed with so much truth in my heart that I am sure the gods will come to help me, and that you will help me, too. I think not only of Sujata, but of all these destinies that are being stifled within me.

Your child,

Signed: Satprem P.S. Yes, I too am sure that the ‘great secret is to give oneself,’ but perhaps this can be too easily