Chapter 134January 27, 1959

Signed: Satprem Sweet Mother, do not waste time writing to me; you have so many things to do and I feel a little awkward disturbing you so often.

(Mother’s reply)

Sri Aurobindo Ashram Pondicherry, 1.27.59 My dear child, gone by. And then I felt that you were returning the Aphorisms, so I waited a bit more. I have just received them along with your letter of the 23rd, but I have not yet looked at them. Besides, if you intend returning for the February ‘darshan,’ I think it would be preferable for us to revise the whole book together. There will not be very much work on my side since the Wednesday and Friday classes were discontinued in the beginning of December, and I still do not know when they will resume.127 Right now, I am translating the Aphorisms all alone and it seems to go quickly and well. This could also be revised and the book on the Dhammapada prepared for publication.

For the time being, I am going downstairs only in the mornings at 6 for the balcony darshan and at about 3 to take my bath and at 4:30 I come back up again. I do not yet know what will happen next month. I shall have to find some way to meet you so that we can work together – I am going to think it over.

write about. But you know that it keenly interests me.

My love is always with you, enfolding and upholding you.

The blessings of the Grace are upon you.

Signed: Mother

(Letter to Mother from Satprem)

127They would never resume.

Sweet Mother,

So X will to do a special work for you for eleven days, and if at the end of this period the suffering still persists, he will send me to Pondicherry to deliver something directly into your hands. I, too, would like very much to do something to alleviate your suffering.

By a special grace, X gave me both stages of the tantric initiation at the same time, although they are normally separated by several years; then if all goes well, he will give me the full initiation in 6 months. I have thus received a mantra, along with the power of realizing it. X told me that a realization should come at the beginning of the fifth month if I repeat the mantra strictly according to his instructions, but he again told me that the hostile forces would do all they could to prevent me from saying my mantra: mental suggestions and even illness. X has understood that I have work at the Ashram, and he has exempted me from the outer forms (pujas and other rituals), but nevertheless I must repeat my mantra very accurately every day (3,333 times, that is, a little more than 3 hours uninterrupted in the mornings, and more than 2 hours in the evening). I must therefore organize myself in such a way as to get up very early in the morning in Pondicherry, for in no case will your work suffer.

Apart from this, he has not yet entirely finished the work of ‘purging’ that he has been doing on me for over a month, but I believe that everything will be completed in a short time from now.

Sweet Mother, I have a kind of fear that all these mantras are not bringing me nearer to you – I mean you in your physical body, for it is not upon you physically that I was told to concentrate. Also, I almost never see you in my dreams any longer, or else only very vaguely. Last night, I dreamed that I was offering you flowers (not very pretty ones), one of which was called ‘mantra,’ but I did not see you in my dream. Mother, I would like to be true, to do the right thing, to be as you want me to be.

Signed: Satprem

(Mother’s reply)

Sri Aurobindo Ashram

Pondicherry, 1.29.59 My dear child,

Your very interesting letter of the 27th has just arrived.

All is well – I am enthusiastic and you can count on my conscious help to overcome all the obstacles and all the bad will that may try to stop or delay your progress. It is a matter of being more obstinate, much more obstinate than the enemy, and whatever the cost, to reach the goal in time.

Since my last letter, I have thought about it and I see that I will be able to go down in the morning three times a week for one hour, from 10 to 11, to work with you, but you will have to do only the strict minimum in order to have as much free time as you need for the other things.129

As I told you, I have resumed neither classes nor translations, and I still do not know when I will do so. So there is only the old work to finish up, but it will not take very long.

My body would also like to have a mantra to repeat. Those it has are not enough for it anymore. It would like to have one to hasten its transformation. It is ready to repeat it as many times as needed, provided that it does not have to be out loud, for it is very rarely alone and does not want to