Chapter 11June 9, 1955

of my project or what I should do? In spite of all my rebellions and discouragements and resistances, I am your child. O Mother, help me!

Signed: Bernard

(Mother’s reply)

My dear child, No doubt it would be better to go to Almora for a while – not for too long, I hope, for it is needless to say how much the work will be disrupted by this departure ...

(Another handwritten version)

4.7.55 My dear child, You may go to Almora if you think it will help you break this shell of the outer consciousness, so obstinately impenetrable.

Perhaps being far away from the Ashram for a while will help you feel the special atmosphere that exists here and that cannot be found anywhere else to the same extent.

In any event, my blessings will always be with you to help you find, at long last, this inner Presence which alone gives joy and stability.

Signed: Mother

(Letter to Mother from Satprem)

Pondicherry, June 9, 1955 Mother, I cannot say that it is a nostalgia for the outside world that is drawing me backwards nor some attachment to a ‘personal’ form of life, nor even some vital desire seeking its own satisfaction. That old world no longer attracts me, and I do not see at all what I would do there. Yet something is standing in my way.

If only I could see a distinct ‘error’ blocking my path which I could clearly attack ... But I feel