Chapter 2On Yoga and Fund-raising for the Ashram, 1921–1938 · To and about Punamchand M. Shah

I shall answer your last letter before the 21st as I hope to have a little more time now.

Sri Aurobindo 12.2.36.

[19]

Pondicherry

8.6.36 Durgadas

I am glad you have informed me of your new address, but regret to see that the condition of your mind is so depressed and hopeless. Suicide is no solution of any spiritual problem or difficulty — it does not liberate from suffering after death, for the suffering in the vital continues; nor does it prepare better conditions hereafter, for the conditions created for the next life are worse and the same difficulties present then for solution. All suggestions of suicide come from a hostile force which wants to break the life and the sadhana. I hope that you will put away this thought from you altogether and for good. There is only one way [for]6 the sadhak and that is to maintain his trust in the Divine through all difficulties and sufferings, try to gather more and more fortitude and equality and freedom from all attachments till there is that strength and calm within on which the realisation can be securely founded.

As to the question you put me it is in the affirmative. Whatever help I can give you, I will give.

I do not write any more now than what is necessary as an answer to what you have written in your letter, so that this may not be delayed in posting.

I send my blessing. There is a Power of which you have at times been conscious which can carry you through. May it restore your faith and reliance and lead you to the conquest of yourself and Nature.

Sri Aurobindo P.S I send you a money order for Rs 100. I hope it will find you.

6 MS from

[20]

Pondicherry

29.6.36 Durgadas

I got your letter late and could not telegraph on Saturday, but as you mentioned Monday morning, I sent an urgent wire the first thing on Monday (this morning). I am writing you a letter (referring back for the purpose to your past letters so as to understand better if I can what you say on certain matters here), but as this takes long, I could not finish the reply — so I am writing this in the meanwhile. If you cannot wait (you speak of going away on Thursday) as I have asked in the wire, at least let me know that you have gone and give me your new address so that I may send it there.

Meanwhile very briefly I may say that I have failed to grasp clearly and distinctly what is the offence you consider yourself to have committed against the Truth (your Truth) which demands a punishment, no less than death. You are nowhere explicit in this matter so as to say to me “This or this is the offence and this the Truth against which I have offended.” You touch on several points, your own offence, the evil men have done you, the evil I myself have done you (of which I was myself perfectly unconscious and certainly had no intention to do any,) the proposed marriage and my withholding of sanction, but on no point are there any precisions. I have therefore to answer in a general way and that cannot be very satisfactory to you.

Nevertheless let me say at once that suicide or letting oneself die — it comes to the same thing — can never be in my eyes a step in consonance with the Truth of things — it seems to me to be in itself an offence against Truth. If a punishment is to be inflicted on oneself for anything, it should be in the nature of an atonement — but the only atonement for a fall from Truth (supposing that there is one) is to persevere, to correct, to attempt again resolutely to embody the Truth in one’s life till it is done.

Then again, for your marriage, if you firmly feel that to be the Truth for you or an indispensable part of it, I would be the last person to dissuade you from it. I have not done so and have left it to the Truth in you to work out your course as it did formerly in other matters. For the rest I shall explain what I mean in the longer letter. I write this only to make it clear that there is no opposition on my part, if your being demands this as a step to be taken in pursuit of its inner need. There is no reason, if that is a main point where you feel yourself unfulfilled, to despair and seek an issue out which is no issue.

Try to calm and control the agitation in you and do not allow yourself to be swept towards decisions which merely mean failure and disaster.

Sri Aurobindo

[21]

21.7.36 Durgadas

I have received your letter today and am sending the money, Rs 100 for July and August and Rs 150 for extra expenses, 250 in all. This is only to announce the despatch; as I do not want to delay it I do not write a letter.

I trust that the despair of the future will go and give place to renewed hope and strength to face life and journey towards the divine realisation.

Sri Aurobindo

[22]

25.6.37 Durgadas

I received your letter and take the opportunity of the first leisure I have had since to write just a line in answer.

I am glad to know that all is right and there is no such trouble or difficulty as you apprehended. I shall certainly do what I can spiritually for her welfare in the future.

Convey my blessing and the Mother’s to all your friends who have helped you. With yourself our love and blessings.

Sri Aurobindo

[23]

Pondicherry

24.5.38 Durgadas

I was glad to receive your letter and have news of you after so long a time. In your letter at the end you express your wish to live independently in a solitary place if you can get the help you need for that. I shall willingly give you all help for that. Will you let me know at once more in detail where or to what kind of solitary place you wish to go and what help you need (special and standing monthly expenses included) and I will see immediately to provide you.

If you wish at any time to come over here to the Asram for a period or permanently, you have only to let us know. It is not a solitary place — there are now some 170 people living a collective existence though each has his separate room and can, if he likes, live a retired life there; but it is not an independent and solitary life such as one can have when living apart in one’s own individual way. Whenever you feel inclined, you might come here and see what it is and whether, in its present form, it will at all suit you. Later on, when we have the means, I hope to have a more elastic organisation when different ways of living, separate or close, may be possible.

As for what I wish about you, it had always been my intention as soon as I could do so in a way satisfactory to you and suitable, to ask you to join the life and work that I am preparing. I have not asked you so far because there is only this Asram where people are being prepared and nothing but the small internal work of the Asram itself — I did not want to start anything larger before everything was spiritually and otherwise ready. But if at any time you feel inclined and able to fit yourself into things as they are here, I shall be very glad to call you here at once. That would be altogether for you to decide in full freedom according to the needs of your nature.

Sri Aurobindo

[1]

To Punamchand

I.

Separation of Purusha and Prakriti to establish tranquility of heart and mind.

(a) Separated Purusha, calm, observing Prakriti. (b) Prakriti in the heart and mind attending calmness.

II. Offering of all the actions, all that is done in your life as a sacrifice to the Lord.

III. Realisation of the Higher Divine Shakti doing all the works.

(a) Living with the constant idea that it is the Shakti which does the work.

(b) Feeling of the Divine Shakti descending from above the mind and moving the whole being.

[2]

Pondicherry

August 15th 1923 The bearer Punamchand Mohanlal Shah is my disciple and is now with me practising Yoga in Pondicherry. He is trustworthy and faithful in all matters and enjoys my entire confidence.

Aurobindo Ghose

[3]

Punamchand

The ornaments offered by Chandulal’s mother. Certainly, you can accept and send them. I do not know why you felt any scruple in this matter. Whatever is given with Bhakti can and ought to be received and not rejected whether it is money, things of value or useful things. There may be exceptions, as for instance where the gift is of a quite unsuitable or cumbrous kind, but this is obviously not the case here.

(2) The talk with Haribhai Think no more about it except to retain the lesson. Your mistake was to interfere with your ignorant mind in a matter which had been decided by the Mother, as if it could know better than she did. As usually happens when the physical mind acts in this way, it made wrong reasoning and foolish blunder. It was as if you gave Haribhai a choice between giving money or giving the clothes and other articles. He was to give both and there was no question of a choice between them; nor could this kind of balancing and reduction on one side or the other be good for his spiritual progress. The fact that other clothes were coming from a Mill could make no difference: that was quite another list and did not meet the same needs. As for the other possibilities you speak of, they have nothing to do with previous arrangements and present requirements; they are only a possibility of the future. I write this much only to show you how mistaken these mental movements are; but you need not worry about it any longer.

(3) The “Four Aspects” is half written and will be finished in a few days. It has been decided to publish these four writings with the February message in Calcutta. Motilal Mehta can use them instead of the August 15th utterances.

October 3, 1927

[4]

Pondicherry 1st January 1928 To

Punamchand. M. Shah.

I have received your letter and am sending this answer with Haribhai. I do not consider it necessary or advisable to make a public appeal for the sum of money I have asked you to raise for me in Gujerat. If a public appeal is to be made, it can only be when the time comes for my work to be laid on larger foun-dations and I can create the model form or outward material organisation of the new life which will be multiplied throughout India and, with India as a spiritual nucleus and centre, in other countries. Then large sums of money will be indispensable and a public appeal may become advisable.

At present I am making a smaller preliminary foundation, a spiritual training-ground and the first form of a community of spiritual workers. Here they will practise and grow in the Yoga and learn to act from the true consciousness and with the true knowledge and power. Here too some first work will be undertaken and institutions founded on a small scale which will prepare for the larger and more definite work of the future. I need money to buy land and houses, to get equipment for these first institutions and to accommodate and maintain an increasing number of sadhakas and workers. A public appeal is not necessary to raise the sums that are at present indispensable. I prefer to make it only when I have already created a sufficient external form that all can see. It will be easy for you to raise privately the money I now want if you are inspired to get into touch with the right and chosen people.

As you can judge, even this preliminary work will be a matter not of one but several lakhs, but I have named one lakh as the minimum immediately needed in order that we may start solidly and go on without being hampered at each step for want of funds. If you can raise more than the initial minimum, so much the better. The work will proceed more easily and quickly and with a surer immediate prospect. Preserve the right consciousness and attitude, keep yourself open to the Divine Shakti and let her will be done through you.

[5]

Punamchand

I am surprised to see from your letter that you have received from Vithaldas an offer of Rs 500 a month towards the expenses of the Asram and that you have not immediately accepted it. In fact the language of the letter would almost mean that it was rejected almost with impolite disdain; but I suppose this could be a wrong impression. It is precisely help of this kind that we are feeling the most need of just now. For so long as this monthly deficit is not filled, we are obliged to spend on our monthly upkeep sums that ought to go for capital outlay and under such circumstances the very foundation of the Asram from the pecuniary point of view remains insecure. If the monthly expenses are secured, the Asram will be put on a safe foundation and the work for bringing the lakh and other large sums can go forward on a much sounder basis. Besides the forces will not be diverted from their proper work by the harassment of daily needs. Therefore, recently, it is just contributions of this kind that we have been pressing for as the first necessity. Vithaldas seems to have received an inspiration from this pressure and made a magnificent answer. And you do not immediately seize on this response! This is an example of what I meant when I warned you to keep yourself open to the Mother’s force and not to follow merely your own ideas and plans. Now the only thing to do is to speak to Vithaldas at once and see whether he keeps to his offer. If so, you should accept it at once. The sooner we get the money the better. Our deficit is really more than Rs 800, for the number of disciples is constantly increasing and the expenses also. If Vithaldas can be relied upon to give regularly Rs 500 a month, the gap will be almost filled and once that is done, the obstruction we have felt hitherto in this matter is likely to disappear and the rest to come in with greater ease. If you have not already accepted his offer and made arrangements for the regular transmission of the money, then act at once. money raised; in the present state of the finances the idea is altogether out of the question. The income and expenses must be balanced; money must be found for the work of building up the Asram. All the rest comes after.

Sri Aurobindo Pondicherry

June 2. 1928

[6]

Punamchand

As regards the amount of Rs 500/–monthly from Vithaldas and your note in the account, I presume it is clearly understood that this sum has nothing to do with the account. It must be kept quite separate and remitted here every month as soon as it is received; it must on no account and in no circumstances be detained or used for any other purpose whatsoever.

As to the expenses shown in the account, you asked originally for Rs 70/–a month in Bombay or Rs 30/–in Patan; but the actual expenditure has been for months above Rs 200/–. This is an enormous amount and, as I have already pointed out, it is swallowing up all you collect. I do not see how you expect to be able to maintain this rate of expenditure for an indefinite period or what purpose it serves.

[7]

Champaklal

Write to Punamchand that now that Vithaldas has seen the Mother, he should communicate his experience or his difficulties direct to her. It is not desirable that in matters of the Sadhana Punamchand or anybody else should come in between, even as undisturbed by any other influence.

December 1928

[8]

Champaklal

As regards the Vedic “Dictionary” write to Punamchand that I do not want anything of this kind to be made out of my unfinished work. If it is to be done, it will be in the future and must be only under my express directions and supervision.

December 1928

[9]

Write to Punamchand asking what are the Rs 500 that reached us today. Whenever he sends money, he should inform us at the same time what it is and who has given it.

Write to him also with regard to the letter he wrote about the detective’s visit and his proposals. He has only to send regular accounts with details of sums, names etc to me, and he is on safe ground. He can simply answer that all moneys given are accounted for and full details sent to me. If on the other hand he is loose in his accounts and dealings with the money, he gives room for this kind of rumour and creates a wrong atmosphere. Nor in the absence of accounts can I myself have any ground to go upon if I am questioned whether I received or not the sums paid to him for me. In this connection note that he has not sent, as promised, the accounts for the last few months. Since his visit and return we have received nothing.

16 April 1929

[10]

Punamchand

If you wish to take your monthly expenses from the money of Vithaldas, you ought first to try to persuade him to assign separately a sum of Rs 150 for the purpose without diminishing his contribution to Pondicherry. If he is not willing, then you may take from him the sum of Rs 150 and send Rs 550 to Pondicherry, but on the following conditions.

(1) You will take this money from Vithaldas’ contribution only and you will draw on no other sum.

(2) All other sums of money contributed through you must be sent without fail and without delay to Pondicherry.

(3) There must be no expenditure for yourself beyond the amount fixed and no borrowing of money for which you will make us responsible or draw for its return on money contributed for the Asram. Vithaldas’s contribution. The Rs 150 must be considered as his help to you directly.

As regards Narangi, it was evident that he had no enthusiasm for helping you in the way you propose. He must have his own reasons for that and the Mother did not care to press him to do it. He is already doing wholeheartedly as much as can be reasonably asked from him; it is no use exacting from him what he has no heart for. It seems to me that if you can make yourself a true channel for the force, you ought to be able to succeed without his assistance.

In this connection I feel it necessary to say one thing once for all, which I have refrained from writing before because I did not think it would be of much use. The difficulties you have experienced in the work you undertook arose partly from the general opposition of the money-power to the divine call, but also and very largely from your own vital being and its desires and self-regarding attitude. This vital nature of yours was always full of demands and desires and it came to regard their satisfaction as perfectly legitimate and even the right thing to do. As respects money, it had the habit of spending loosely and freely whatever came into your hand; it had the habit too of borrowing and lending freely without regard to your capacity either to give or to repay; and, as always results from this kind of looseness, it treated whatever money came into your hands as it would have treated your own — I may give as a slight but significant example your lending to your personal friends out of the Mother’s money which was never intended for such a purpose. These habits might pass in a man freely supplied by Fortune with resources; but they were bound to have undesirable effects in your position and especially in one entrusted with your task and practising Yoga.

At first you had some, though not a large success; but, with money flowing through your hands, you could not refrain from a free and increasing expenditure on yourself, Champa and Dikshit. Instead of the Rs 70 allowed to you by the Mother, you began to spend more and more, the amount of your total expenses rising in the end to well above Rs 200 in a single month. This need created by you for yourself — of course, with all sorts of plausible reasons to back it — affected your whole attitude. The right attitude would have been to put the Mother’s work first and yourself last. Your whole and sole desire should have been to send as much money as possible to the Asram and spend as little as possible on yourself, only your actual needs and the collection expenses. If that had remained your attitude, circumstances moulded by the Divine Force would have arranged themselves accordingly and you would have had enough and to spare for your personal expenses. But in practice the position became quite the opposite. Your first care was to draw money for your expenses there; if anything remained, it could be sent to the Mother. Only express contributions marked for the Asram like Vithaldas’ and Kanta’s escaped this law — up till now. As a matter of fact except these sums and some two or three thousand rupees at the beginning, you have, acting on these lines, been unable to send money or to do anything except to meet with the sums given to you your Bombay expenses. For the consequences of this attitude were inevitable. Circumstances shaped themselves accordingly; money came in for your personal expenditure, but for the Asram it dwindled and grew less and less; only Vithaldas’ money saved it from becoming a zero. Next, the money for your expenses became more and more difficult to get and for that too you are compelled now to fall back on the contribution of Vithaldas. That was the first result; the second was that people in Bombay lost all confidence in you and in the collection for the Asram and began even to suspect your bona fides. And the last result was that your attitude came